Connections
There is abundant evidence to suggest we live in an age of social isolation and despair. For example, according to the Surgeon General’s 2023 report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, “about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. And that was before the Covid-19 pandemic.”
Then there is the overwhelming response this week to a post on Elmo’s X account. Yes, that’s right. Elmo, the sweet little red monster on Sesame Street. According to The New York Times, Elmo asked what seemed to be an innocuous question. “How is everybody doing?” Thousands replied by sharing their despair, anxiety and loneliness.
We’re not immune from this experience at St. Paul’s. During the reimagining process listening sessions in the fall, many people spoke of their experience of isolation and their yearning for connection. While no one sounded a note of despair, many spoke about their desire for community and more authentic relationships.
“Shared joy is double joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow.” I came upon this old Swedish proverb a few weeks ago in a column by David French, an attorney and Evangelical Christian who writes for The New York Times. In the column he reflects on the emotional support he and his wife received following her cancer diagnosis. Because of their strong web of relationships, they have not experienced isolation or overwhelming despair despite the seriousness of their situation. They know they are not alone.
“The key word in the Swedish proverb is ‘shared,’” French writes. “You don’t just tell me the reason for your sorrow or joy, and I don’t just listen. The word ‘shared’ implies participation. When you share a meal, you are not merely one of two people eating. You are eating together. And so it should be with sorrow and joy. In the book of Romans, the apostle Paul tells believers to ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.’”
St. Paul’s is a large, well-resourced church. This allows us to support a large choir and vibrant family ministry, to provide programming for our seniors, and to make a meaningful difference in the world around us. But offering programs is not the same as facilitating connections and fostering relationships. Creating a community requires something else.
“There is no national five-point plan for friendship,” French writes. “It’s not a problem susceptible to political or cultural fixes from the top down. Instead, it’s a problem that demands individual action motivated by individual conviction, perhaps led by the very people who know what it means to feel the double joy and half sorrow that sharing makes possible. Those of us who have been blessed in this way must bless others in return.”
I agree that individual action and conviction make all the difference. The church cannot make people know each other. But we can facilitate connections with Christ and each other. We already do this, of course. Plenty of people feel connected. For those of us who do, Jesus calls us to share this blessing with others by making new connections and by willingly sharing our joys and sorrows. When we do, others feel more than included. They feel loved. They know they belong.
