Obedience

Growing up in a Southern, patriarchal family, I learned the importance of obedience. I responded to my parents’ requests by saying “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma'am.” I was expected to do as I was told, to behave appropriately in all situations and to submit without any “backtalk” to my superiors. I thrived in a system that was made for someone like me, the oldest son in a white privileged family. As a young adult, I learned that this rigid understanding of obedience too often leads to unhealthy, unsafe and unquestioned consequences for those who don’t fit easily into the system.

Today I am writing the second of three reflections focusing on the three vows of Benedictine monasticism and how they help us understand parish life and mission. Last week I wrote about the vow of stability, the promise to build relationships in and share responsibility for a particular community. 

How are we to understand the second vow of obedience? Many of us need to start by letting go of our experience of obedience from childhood. The word “obey” derives from two Latin words: ob (“in the direction of”) and audire (“hear”). Understood this way, obedience is not unquestioning subservience to another. It is an openness to listen to and then to respond in the direction of a call or request. At its best, the goal of obedience is to facilitate mutual understanding through shared agency.

So, for Benedictine monks and nuns, obedience means giving full attention to scripture, to their rule of life, to the abbot and all members of the community, including the most junior monastics. From this deep listening, they respond by giving their best every day in prayer, work and recreation.

In the Rev. Robert Gallagher’s congregational model based on the three vows, the promise of obedience encourages congregants to find God as they listen deeply to the world, scripture, the church, each other, creation and the deepest longings and prayers of their hearts. To make this deep listening possible, parish leaders need to ensure that everyone is given the opportunity to learn skills for contemplation, communal discernment and interpersonal listening. This is done through both worship and formation which create opportunities to listen deeply to God and to others both inside and outside the community. 

How might we understand the promise of obedience at St. Paul’s? We commit to listening for Jesus’ call through scripture, tradition and reason. We seek to discern together as a community and respect the wisdom of others, committing ourselves to deep discernment before we decide. When we disagree, we lean toward each other instead of moving away, seeking consensus whenever possible and respecting our differences when we cannot. We accept mutual responsibility for the parish and contribute to the mission of St. Paul’s through our time, talent and treasure.

Being obedient to Jesus’ call inevitably leads us to the third vow of Benedictine monasticism, conversion of life. I’ll reflect on that promise next week.